What does it mean to start over? When it comes to a cake, you have to trash the whole burnt mess and start with all new ingredients. Luckily starting fresh in life doesn't have to be so violent (or messy), but it can be. Sometimes we have to lose our lives in order to start over. Jesus said something about that in the Bible, in fact....
For me, starting over wasn't an obvious thing. I didn't even realize it was happening nor did I have that intent. Yet, over the last few weeks I've come to realize that I look at certain things differently. My worldview has shifted ever-so slightly.
I notice it in things as simple as my sleep schedule. Over the last few months I've been going to bed earlier and getting my day started sooner. Is it because I look forward to what tomorrow holds?
I notice it in my attentiveness to my wife. I don't know if she notices, but I'm a little more aware of what is happening for her, although a new church appointment has kept me from investing more time in my marriage.
I notice it in my outlook on issues and, even, moments of "crisis" around me. I think the experiences of a brain tumor, two neuro-surgeries, and a near-death experience in my hospital bed have changed my world in ways I didn't even realize... somehow for the better.
I don't think you will notice the changes I have experienced. I don't think it is in overt ways, necessarily, but it happened all the same. As a pastor, I look around at the world and wonder...is that what faith does? When we begin to see that there is hope and love in this world, does it change us? I think so. We don't always notice the change right away, but when we see the world through the lens of possibility instead of impossibility...when we see that this world is more filled with love than hate...when we recognize that God can give us hope for a brighter tomorrow...I think it changes our world and us a little at a time.
The view of Santa Cruz de la Palma from our stateroom.
Last night we enjoyed dinner at the Pollo Grill up on Deck 14 at 8pm. It is the steakhouse onboard and I had a Lobster Bisque, salad, and Veal chop with potatoes. Carrie had a goat cheese & beet starter, lobster bisque and a local Madeiran fish dish for her entrée. After dinner we had intended to join Andrew and Katie for drinks, but time and energy caught up with us and we found ourselves very tired and in bed and asleep by midnight.
Today was an unplanned day. We weren’t signed up for a cruise-line excursion and we hadn’t made detailed plans. It was a nice relaxing day at a port of Santa Cruz (a small town) on the Island of Palma. Santa Cruz de la Plama is a Spanish port (and, therefore, Island) of the Canary Islands. Without major palaces, forts or Cathedrals to tour, AND since it was only a five minute (if that) walk to the city center: It was the perfect day to be unscripted and relax!
The municipal market at Santa Cruz de la Palma
Each couple: Ken & Trish, Bob & June, Andrew & Katie, and Carrie & I went our own ways to spend our time, today. Carrie and I were looking for scenic streets, alleys and lookouts for photos and found ourselves climbing steps (photo left) and going up steep streets to find photo opportunities, stopping by the municipal market along the way. When we came back down to the city center we ran into Katie & Andrew who were sitting at a café. Katie pointed Carrie towards a jewelry store. We did our part to keep this island and its local jewelry maker prospering. When we left the quaint little jewelry shop, we ran into Katie and Andrew, again, at another restaurant so we had lunch with them. By now it was 1pm, or so, and Andrew headed back to the ship.
Moments later, while we still sat at the café, Bob and June happened upon us and we all enjoyed food and drink together. Carrie, Katie and June went on for more shopping and Bob and I headed back to the ship.
And, now, we are all safe and sound on the ship and headed back out to sea.
Leaving port yesterday we were able to witness a tug pulling the cruise ship, although I don’t think we had a tug any of the other times we left port. I suspect it was because we were so tight in at the port.
I also learned something that I didn’t know: The captain of a cruiseship, apparently, does not take the ship in or out of port. A boat from the port authority comes out and meets the ship and then a captain comes aboard who specializes in “parking” cruiseships. Huh. Who would have thought. We saw a small boat come up the other night and someone came aboard. I didn’t think they were Somali pirates, but I guess I was curious who was jumping aboard before we got to port. Now I guess I know. Here is a video of...we’ll call him a valet...the guy leaving our ship after he got us out of port last night.
Last night was a bit choppier at sea. We were late leaving port, but I think we left by 5:30pm or so and were at sea until sometime this morning. For the most part, it is so smooth you hardly know the difference, but last night we could feel a bit more movement. It was actually funny, because the first time I felt it, it felt like the disorientation I’d been feeling with my medicines since surgery (that just went away before the cruise) so I had to ask my wife if it was in my head or if the boat was moving.
Lunch in Granada (the arab quarter)
I had a restful night, but still had great difficulty getting up this morning. My wife, I suspect, was quite irritated that we were leaving the ship later than intended, but she didn’t say a word. Katie and Andrew joined with Carrie and I and we took a taxi from the port at Motril to Granada. We really made the right choice in going on our own. Katie and Carrie had both been there before and both feel that it is in their top 3 cities worldwide. We only had a few hours so without the hustle and bustle of a tour group, we were able to relax and enjoy a long lunch off the beaten path (well, not really as far off the path as we would have liked).
After lunch Katie and Andrew and Carrie and I split up and went our own ways. Andrew was on the hunt for some good local wines and Carrie and I really wanted to just enjoy the streets and get some interesting photos. Since we didn’t have the time to go see Alhambra, we tried to find a scenic overlook from some tourist information, but to no avail. We gave up and enjoyed our limited view.
We ran into Katie and Andrew just in front of a little café/bar. How convenient. We had drinks and relaxed in the shade before heading back down to the taxi.
The taxi to Granada was the only real way to go for us, but it was pricy. We thought it would be about 80€ (somewhere around $100 or so) each way and would have had to started back a bit sooner (in order to find a new cab), but in the end we were able to hire a driver to wait for us and it was a bit cheaper.
When we got back to the ship we were exhausted. It had been a good day, but we had tried to cover a lot of ground in a very limited amount of time. Carrie and I couldn’t think of doing another thing. I ordered room service treats (i’m working on a diet coke and fruit plate, right now) and I am working on this blog out on the balcony and Carrie has passed out into our bed. We should be getting underway, soon. Tomorrow, I think, is a day at sea, so no stops. That means time by the pool and cooking classes in the Bon Apetit Culinary Center.
Hope this note finds you all doing very well!
7:00 pm:
Update: Well, internet was down earlier, so I have more to say, now :-) Our cruise director came on earlier to let us know to expect a bit more motion today / tonight as we leave port and head to the Atlantic. It is nothing to worry about, but the wind has, apparently, picked up and we’re in for rougher waters. He wasn’t kidding! It’s not enough to feel sick, but enough to know you’re on a ship.
Well, That really is enough, I think. I’m going to get back to the fun of vacation!
Yesterday was a terrific day with tours, relaxation and some time exploring on our own. Really this cruise thing has been a better mix than I thought it would be. This morning we came into port around 6:30 or 7am. By the time our coffee and english muffins arrived and we moved to the balcony (at 7:15am) the ship was just finishing docking.
Carrie and I enjoyed some toast / muffins and tea / coffee on the balcony thinking that we would go eat in one of the on-board restaurants later, but, you know, by the time we had a little something and got ready for the day, there didn’t seem to be a point. I think we’ll survive until lunch, though... :-)
Carrie just finished getting ready and now we’re heading out. When we signed up for excursions we decided not to sign up for a Cruiseline planned excursion here in Valencia, so we are striking out on our own. The ship leaves at 4pm, so we have to be back by 3:30pm and can spend the rest of the day reading and relaxing by the pool.
I hope that all is well for you...wherever you may be as you read this blog!
4:00 pm:
We’re back! It was a great day, for sure. I was grumpy this morning because I had not slept well last night. It wasn’t a comfort thing... i was just amped up. Anyway, most people who know me well will know that I get grumpy when I don’t sleep enough. So, I think Carrie and I argued all the way to Historic Valencia, but, I quickly got over myself and we had a great rest of our day.
A church tower at Plaza Lope De Vega
Our first stop was the Plaza Lope De Vega. Then we walked to the Cathedral and Basílica, but decided that outside was enough for us, today. We had planned to go to the Mercado Central (Central Market) but got a report from Bob and June that there were no longer vendors there (it had been converted to coffee shops and restaurants). We decided to pass on that.
The Cathedral (above) and streets nearby (below)
The argument earlier that day was because iI wanted to go see the Cuidad de las Artes y las ciencias (City of Art and Science) which is a complex of museums in Valencia. It caught my eye because of the Aquarium where they have and underwater observatory where you walk under the water. Well, we had time, so we headed out in a taxi for the museums. Once we got there we enjoyed a walk to the aquarium, but it turned out it was €30 which is about $40 (?) per person. If we could have just done the underwater walk or if it had been less expensive we might have done it. But as it was it would take about 3 hours and we just didn’t think we had the time if we were going to enjoy our lunch and get back to the ship with comfort.
A view of the museum campus in Valencia
In the end the time, expense, and exercise we got on the way to the museums paid off by the sights we saw. The buildings were stunning and we enjoyed walking through the parks nearby. If we had to do it again, we would...it’s just that we would allow time to go through the museum, too. Maybe we would plan a day just for the museums on a return trip.
We caught a taxi to lunch. Katie and Carrie had found a restaurant out in the countryside that was well-known for their paellas, so we met Andrew and Katie outside of town at this country restaurant. It had been written up and, then, made further famous when Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali ate there.
We also enjoyed our meal. It was delicious and worth the cab fares for certain! You can take a peek at our meal, too:
We got back to the ship with plenty of time to spare and we are now getting set to relax. Carrie just headed up to the pool, so I will leave you all behind and follow after her!
There was briefly an alarm going off on-shore...I hope they didn’t mistake us for pirates ;-) Actually, it was a perfect and uneventful morning, but now we are bustling around a bit to get ready and be in the lounge where we are expected for our first excursion of the cruise. It is called “Panaramic Valldemosa”
If you would like to learn a little bit more about: Mallorca, Valldemosa.
2:15 pm:
We couldn’t remember exactly what it was we signed up for (a month ago), but it turned out to be a relaxing trip up into the mountains just seeing the sights. This is different than past Bob & June Berry vacations. They usually have a car and more freedom to get away from the crowds, so Carrie and I were a little worried about this trip. Even though we rushed past several sites (and leisurely walks) we would have liked to take in, our destination was a great, old, monastery that sat in a picturesque village.
On the way out of Palma we passed a seemingly amazing cathedral, which would make a great stop in Palmas on another trip and saw a very enjoyable path along the ocean, should we ever get back here.
Anyway- Once we toured the monastery, Carrie and I got away and walked around the village on our own and ended up back near the monastery at a little Café. The highlight of my trip so far was being able to order for Carrie and I (Carrie was en los banos) in decent-enough Spanish. Alright, the waitress knew English perfectly well, I’m sure, but I still accomplished something. Go Me!
I was wearing out. Carrie, June, Andrew & Katie all went on into Palmas de Mallorca to have lunch at a renowned Michelin-Star Tapas restaurant, but I was too tired. I knew I was going to hit my wall and ever-since my surgeries...when I hit it, I’m done. I wanted to be sure to be in the comfort of the ship when I got to that point, so here I am writing this blog and then heading up for lunch with Bob, Ken & Tricia.
Well, we made it across 'the pond' and let me tell you something...it was my most pleasant trans-atlantic flight, yet! You see, the upside of having had two brain surgeries this spring? Pain relievers. There is no reason to fly uncomfortably if you can help it and, this time, I could. A couple of Somas was probably the most helpful part of my trip :-)
Heathrow Airport in London
The only snag we had, was right away in St. Louis at the airport. Carrie and I were in the last group of passengers to board and they ran out of room for over-head carry-ons...so one of our bags had to be checked plane-side. Except, it never showed back up. Luckily there wasn't much in it, but the biggest loss are my tennis shoes. so sad. The good news is that they have found the bag and it's on-route to Barcelona...but we're leaving Barcelona, so we hope it 'catches up' soon!
La Boqueria, a market in Barcelona
The plaza near La Boqueria
Our first day of the trip, once we made it to Barcelona, was very nice. We went to La Boqueria which is a famous market and we enjoyed appetizers and drinks in a lovely plaza nearby. The crowds were too much for me (ever-since my surgeries I can't handle that sort of noise and crowds).
our hotel lobby
After a restful night our bags are in the hall with their tags and we are down in the restaurant. We're on our way!
This is the dressing and where the lumbar drain enters my spine. You can also see a white (and red) safety valve just below my waist.
Before I tell this story I want to catch-up anyone who hasn’t been reading along in this blog. At this point I had a lumbar drain in my back so that they could keep the pressure from building in my brain. They were draining off 10 mL of spinal fluid every hour, but this is dangerous. If something happens that too much fluid drains I could get sick, have migraines or die, if I lost too much. Also, as you read in the last post, infection is a very big concern when they keep a hole open in your spine, so I have been nervous ever since my surgery. My nightmare night-after-night had been that the nurse had left my drain open or it had come loose and I was dying!
Alright, so now with the story:
On Thursday evening my wife went for dinner with her sister and I was sitting in bed with my iPad and decided to check facebook, twitter, email, etc. Since I was having some trouble with diarrhea because of the antibiotics and the many laxatives they had me on (to combat the pain meds) I asked the nurse to put an absorbent pad back on my bed.
Now, if you are laughing at me a little you have to understand that, at this point, I have two sets of monitors hooked to me, sequentials on my legs, a very important tube connecting my lumbar drain in my back to that machine, and, often, an IV. Also, I’m a fall risk so I’m not supposed to move without someone helping me...and it sometimes takes a few minutes before anyone answers my call button (let alone how long it takes them to unhook me and get me to the bathroom). So having bathroom troubles isn’t an easy thing. It was very likely that I was going to leave a pretty big mess.
Back to my original story: The nurse put a pad on my bed, but I’m tall and it wasn’t positioned quite right, so I remember sitting in bed and scooting about (the nurse supervised) and I pulled the pad up under me. I worry that I might have unintentionally and unknowingly pulled something loose at that point, but we’ll never know. The nurse left and would come back later with my meds. I remained in the same position checking facebook on my iPad. When the nurse came back with meds about 30 or 45 minutes later I was having a queasy stomach and felt a migraine coming on. It should have hit me then that something was amiss. I told my nurse that I had an unset stomach and a migraine coming on. My nurse left and later, I’m not sure how much later it was, (I was having a major migraine by then) I felt something wet behind me. I put down my hand into a bed full of spinal fluid. It still took a moment for me to realize what was happening. I looked down to see what had spilled and couldn’t find the tube for my lumbar drain. Once it hit me, I was utterly terrified by what I was experiencing.
I pressed the call button immediately and tried to turn up on my side the way I had lay the other night when he re-did my dressing. Luckily the unit secretary answered the call right away and I called out that my spinal fluid was leaking out. I don’t know how she made sense of what I was saying, nor do I know how my nurse, Sean, made it to my bedside so quickly, but it was his quick thinking and steady hands that were able to pull the bandage away and find a tube to clamp off.
The nurse came back and told me he had paged the surgeon and he waited, pacing (and freaking out a little), with me in the fetal position and blanket over my head (trying to keep dark because of the migraine I was suffering). There were many nurses and others (interns?) in my room by now. I could reach my phone so I called carrie to tell her that she should come right away. I lay there and finally worked up the courage to ask the question I needed so badly to ask, “If I lost too much spinal fluid to survive, would we know it already or will we find out later?” One of the nurses replied, “I don’t know, we need to wait for the doctor. The surgeon arrived and explained that to help alleviate my migraine I need only to be laid out flat. The migraine subsided a bit as he raised the bed to table height. I told him I’d just had work done on the dressing the night before and he responded that he was the one who had done it. I told him, “Then, doctor, you have seen my ass two times more than I would like!” (Which did illicit laughter from him and the rest of the room)
He said that I am young and healthy and since I was still alive and conscious I would likely be alright. He later told Carrie that if I were elderly or obese or otherwise in poor health I would have likely died from loosing so much spinal fluid.
So, as be began to work on me, my wife arrives on the floor. I know this because I could hear her voice raising as she tried to get past the nurses. To Carrie’s chagrin the room was already sterilized and they would not let her in.
I laughed a little and told the surgeon to watch out. I explained that Carrie, if she feels I was in danger and he was keeping her away from me...I explained that she would probably let him have it. After a moment of silence I said, "but don't worry, I'll remind her that you and this nurse just saved the life of the man she loves."
As Carrie continued to try to get in, the surgeon leans over and says to me, “That is true love. We have a hospital full of people who don’t have visitors, but you have someone fighting to be with you and to advocate for you.”
Had I been older or in worse shape, had I not realized the fluid was leaking out, had my nurse not been so quick...had the night not gone just as it did, I might not have survived that night. The recurring nightmare I’d been having all week came true, but because of an excellent nurse and just a short time later an excellent surgeon, I was put back together and my wife and I were able to see one another again. By the time the surgeon finished it was well after 1:00am. Carrie, again, stayed the night. I mean, it really wasn’t a choice, at that point. I don’t think anything could have moved Carrie out of that room that night.
So, Wednesday evening I was introduced to my new nurses and was settling into my space (my wife was actually the one doing the ‘settling,’ I was doing the ordering). Finally my wife left to go to her parent’s house and get some sleep and I laid back and fell off to sleep. I woke up needing the restroom, so I sat up on the edge of the bed and got ahold of my urinal. Something didn’t feel right though, when I pulled up out of bed. I put my hand behind me to feel the lumbar drain and I felt a string (It was later confirmed that this was the smaller tube from the lumbar drain that should have been under the plastic dressing). I called for the nurse.
Now, before I explain what happened, I have to tell you that, every since the surgery I had been paranoid about that lumbar drain. Every 5 minutes I was asking the nurse to check that the drains were turned off or that the dressing was alright and not leaking. I think most people can understand how I would be a little paranoid about this thing I didn’t expect, didn’t want, and this thing that can kill you...
So, back to the story! I called the nurse and said the lumbar drain dressing didn’t feel right. She said, “I’ve found someone more OCD than me, I think!” I said, “Yes, but will you please look at it?” Of course she was glad to look at it and came around behind me with her little light... She ended up leaning in really closely to the dressing, because I could nearly feel her breath on my back and from back behind me she quietly said, “I need you to stay very still and I’m going to call the on-call surgeon.” I asked if everything was okay and she said that she didn’t know, but she didn’t think I was in any danger if I just stay still. She hustled out of the room and I could reach my phone so I called Carrie and told her something was up. She didn't arrive until everything was finished.
It was a very simple procedure. The surgeon did a great job simply re-dressing and re-sterilized everything and since we became aware, right away, that it was exposed I was never in any serious or imminent danger. Once everything was sterile and under a plastic dressing again, I was ready to go back to sleep.
Carrie stayed at the hospital the rest of the night, since it was after 2:00 a.m. by then!
I’m exhausted, but I’m feeling pretty well right now, tonight. I thought I would blog a bit and, as I looked back, I realized that I’ve never actually told “the story” of what’s been happening, really, since getting to St. Louis.
So, first recap of my last surgery:
I had a benign (didn’t know that for sure till it came out) tumor in my cerebellum. They came in from my neck; cut my neck muscles away and held them away from my body; and cut out a piece of my skull. They next opened up the dura (sp?) which is the membrane around the brain and then used probes to go into my cerebellum and resect the tumor which was in the left hemisphere of the cerebellum kind of near to my spine. Then they closed the dura and skull (which I don’t remember how they explained it, except we now know they use titanium screws to put the skull back and once everything was put back into place they used staples to close the incision which was several inches up the back of my neck.
Now, I recovered pretty quickly for the first few weeks and then had setbacks with a couple bouts with -what we thought was- flu. Even after the flu, I felt as though I had progressed, but starting about two weeks [before I ended up back in the hospital] I began having more bad days than good. We’d always had bad days and good days, so, until we had the benefit of hindsight, we didn’t realize things were actually getting worse.
Well, they were. During the week before I went into the ER I had only bad days and ended up nauseous often. Wednesday before I went the ER I woke up throwing up at 5 am and didn’t stop until noon, but by noon I finally got relief and slept the rest of the day. Thursday and Friday were miserable and I still had migraines, but I wasn’t throwing up and we had called the doctors, none of which thought this was necessarily unusual after brain surgery...
But on Saturday I woke up vomiting in the early morning hours, had the worst migraines I’d ever had and it wouldn’t stop and probably wouldn’t have. We called my surgeons around 11 or maybe 1 and they said if it persisted to go to the ER, so around 4pm we headed to St. James OSF Emergency Room. They were very good with us. You can read that account in DAY 1 - The ER In Pontiac
Once we got to St. Louis and were working with neurosurgeons and not just an ER doc, we were still afraid that they would look at us and say, “Um, you just had brain surgery, there’s nothing abnormal, go home and take some tylenol.” Are you seeing a pattern? And by the way I hadn’t been able to keep water down since Friday night and had eaten nothing since then either. They looked at the CT’s from Pontiac and the on-call Neurosurgeon asked us some questions and let us tell the story of how we got there (and listened to our questions, anxieties and fears) and then explained it probably was not a fresh brain bleed like Pontiac thought it was, but there was definitely some fluid and if fluid was flowing in and out of dura/skull around the surgical site, there probably was some bleeding as a by-product of this activity. The migraines, then, were being caused (and then getting better briefly) when that spinal fluid would leak out of the brain membrane and skull out under my skin. The brain, then, didn’t have enough spinal fluid pressure and I’d have migraine and then my brain would produce spinal fluid to compensate, but with more pressure that would all leak out and form large pockets of fluid outside the brain and it would happen all over. He also explained where my other headaches (which I had described) were coming from (with detail) and explained that they wanted to do a surgery to correct the structure of the brain where they had done the surgery in order to make sure the spinal fluid was draining from the gland that makes it, down through the brain as it is supposed to. He used the metaphor of a kitchen sink. If you set it running at a certain speed and have the drain open it will just continue to drain properly, never emptying and never overflowing, but if you stop it up, or somehow open the drain wider, it no longer drains as we want it. We really thought Dr. Beaumont was just great. You can see him, later, shaving my head in this video:
So now, I hadn’t eaten since Friday and it was Monday, so that was really the first thing on my mind. I finally got to eat something! (On Sunday they wanted to wait until the MRI results were gone-over to make sure I didn’t need emergency surgery that night before they gave me food) Now, on Monday morning I got to eat breakfast. It was gross by any normal standards, but when you haven’t eaten in several days, even greasy, rubbery eggs and sausage at the hospital will bring you delight :-)
Late on Monday morning Dr. Beaumont (that same on-call surgeon) brought in syringes and had me lie down on my side and drained as much of the spinal fluid as he could which had been flowing into other cavities and creating pockets of fluid where we didn’t want them. It sounds as though he drained a whole lot of bloodly spinal fluid.
I still got to have some nasty lunch and dinner and they explained that my procedure would be on Tuesday, sometime. My surgeon was out-of-town at a conference, so I was being fit in with Dr. Dowling (I think he moved / cancelled his own surgeries) to fit me in Tuesday at 1, because he was filling in for Dr. Dacey’s service, in case emergencies like this came up.
The surgery was Tuesday in the early afternoon, but while they expected this leakage had created a bit of damage to the dura as it flowed in and out, they were not prepared for the severity of damage.That spinal fluid had “shredded” the dura all around the incision point. I guess it was far worse than they thought and they had to put in a lumbar drain which had been “a very remote possibility.” It wasn’t so bad that they couldn’t put the skull back together (they said there was an even more remote chance they may have to use a wire mesh), thank GOD!!!
The surgery to correct the structural problems [stemming from the original surgery] was really a repeat of the first surgery, except they didn’t have to go through the dura into the brain. They simply went into the skull, removed it, repaired the dura and then worked backwards repairing structures along the way.
The problem is that, because it was so severe, we could do all this and have all the same trouble, so they needed, in this case, to put in the lumbar drain to keep that from happening. You see, the brain is capable of producing 30 mL of fluid every hour. Well, we don’t want too much fluid pressure or it might seep through the incision site again and we’d have the very same problem.
So they open a hole in my lower back, insert a shunt into my spine with a small tube (looked like a small string) coming out and hanging out of the hole. They they take... welll, I don’t know, think about a plastic sheet a little thicker than a latex glove material, but the same consistency. They took a sheet of that and sealed over the whole hole (with the whole in the middle and then they use those sheets to completely cover my lower back so that it formed several layers and then taped all around (an aside: think about sleeping for days wrapped in plastic wrap. Not cool.
That small tube sticking out from under the “medical grade, glued down, ‘plastic wrap’ connected, then, to a hub which then connected to a thicker tube which ran down to a contraption on a pole. I had to trust the nurses to be attentive and drain only 10 mL each hour. There were several valves which had to be carefully turned on and off, but I became very nervous when we asked about the side-effects. They said it was unlikely, but the possible complications were, if the site became “exposed,” infection; or if too much spinal fluid leaked out there would first be queasiness, then a severe migraine and, finally death. This is what we definitely didn’t want to have happeni!
Well, that gets us through an overview of the first and second, corrective, surgery as well as some of the complications that could arisel
After the procedure Tuesday I did great and that takes us to my mext blog on the day from hell: Wednesday!!!
image found at: http://www.epmonthly.com/whitecoat/2010/05/florida-verdict-threatens-ems-availability/ambulance-2/
Hmmm. So where did I leave off? Ah, I told you all about getting sick on Saturday and getting to the Pontiac Hospital. I was feeling a little stupid, you know, expecting the doctors to say, again: "This is all normal, take some tylenol and go home." My wife later said it's like going to the mechanic and having the rattle stop once the mechanic is there to listen. Well, as most of you now know, it wasn't business as usual. The radiologist told us it looked like bleeding in my brain from the original surgery and they wanted to transfer us to St. Joseph's in bloomington. Luckily my wife was not satisfied about the transfer. For me, I would have done anything I was told I was so goofy from the morphine, but my wife was on top of things. She was confused why they would transfer me to bloomington and not to the doctors I knew already and the facility where I'd already had brain surgery. Well, for those of you who have not yet met my wife, she is never afraid to speak her mind. She told the doctor that we would just wait until he had contacted the surgeon's office in St. Louis. I'm sure my wife felt elation when he walked back into the room looking a little defeated and said, "the doctors want you transferred back to Barnes."
At first we were told the transfer would be within the next hour or so...so Carried stayed by my bed from 2-4am. Finally they told us that they were out of ambulances and drivers and that it would be 7am, so Carrie went home and got some sleep...at least I thought she did.
She was so worried about Sunday morning going well, that she secretly went to Chenoa an
worked on Sunday morning stuff and prepared for worship for several more hours, since I had kept her from doing any work during most of this past week. She is a loyal and conscientious worker.
The ambulance got to the hospital around 7:45 and we were piled in and headed to St. Louis by 8am. It was really a pretty comfortable ride (morphine and anti-nausea meds help with that, though). Most importantly, the paramedic and driver were excellent and really went above-and-beyond to make us comfortable, give us internet access (yes, amazing, right?) and to provide excellent medical care.
Since we've been at Barnes-Jewish (we got here around 11am or so Sunday morning) it has basically been a waiting game. I mean, this situation was unscripted and this hospital visit was unplanned so they had to slip me in front of other people for the MRI and bounce me around rooms a bit before things were satisfactory.
We saw a neuro-surgeon resident who was on-call this weekend who was exceptionally helpful, very thorough, and really paid attention to my situation. Oh, and he really seemed very knowledgeable. He came by the room in the early-to-mid afternoon and talked to us about the CT scan that was taken in Pontiac. He wasn't convinced there was any new bleeding, but certainly there was spinal fluid leaking and...the best way to describe it would be a 'pressure problem.' If spinal fluid is leaking out from the skull, there isn't enough in the skull, so my headaches and my pain was from the pressure being 'out of whack.'
He also helped me to understand my headaches. I explained my different head pain and headaches and I told them that sometimes it shot from the back of my head to the front. He told us that the C2 (not sure that's right) nerves or nerve bundle (or something) arch up from where my surgery was done to the front of my head and that was causing some of the headaches I had been experiencing. Gosh, it was just great to know that they believed my pain and that I wasn't crazy. Okay, so this isn't definitive proof of my craziness. My brand of crazy comes from somewhere else, though :-)
The MRI wasn't able to happen until 6:30 pm or so on Sunday night. They wouldn't knock me out and it took about 45 minutes. I've never had trouble with MRIs before, but I thought about that bump on my head and the nausea I felt and I told them I didn't think I could do it without being knocked out. They were moving me onto the MRI when I looked up with big sad eyes and said, "Oh, so I guess the doctor didn't approve for me to get knocked out for this. The Radiologist's only response was a slow, sad head shake.
Well, it was long and painful, but not intolerable. They didn't even have to re-do any of it. I rocked out that MRI...yeah. And then we waited for results.
I hadn't kept any food or water down since Friday evening at dinner and this was Sunday night, so I was hungry. No, I was famished. I'm a Carnes and we should come with a label, "Dangerous When Hungry." Well, they didn't want me to eat until they knew for sure that I wouldn't need surgery until Monday. They said it was unlikely, but if there was an infection I might need immediate surgery and they didn't want me to eat in that case.
I'm a reasonable guy (when I'm not hungry) and I understood that it would be a while before we got MRI results, but it took several hours and then the nurse came in at 10 pm (or so) and said that we probably wouldn't hear any more until Monday morning. You should have seen the look of despair in my eyes. I explained how I had not eaten in days and how I'd been promised food before bed, so long as there was no emergency surgery. The nurse took pity on me and, despite orders, gave me a few ice chips.
Oh, that ice and water were exquisite! I mean, that water tasted better than the best wine. OooOOohhhhh, soooo good!
Well, that gets me to Sunday night and you nearing know as much as we do so far.
Carrie looking stunning as she prepared for our wedding on Aug 28, 2010
Carrie had a great time last Saturday, wedding dress shopping with her sister. So much so, that when she got back to her parent's house...she decided to play dress up, herself. She got in her wedding dress -veil and all. Wow. I teased her, but she looked just as beautiful as the day I married her. Maybe more beautiful, actually. She gets all stressed out about some grey hair and worries about her weight, but she is being completely silly, I think most of you will agree. She is beautiful. It's not just on the outside.
It isn't just something based on looks. My wife and I have agreed to spend our lives together. Those bachelor themed shows that make fun of marriage as "death" or getting "hitched" or "the old ball and chain" just don't get it. Each day I spend with my wife reminds me of why I married her. We have our fights and difficult moments, but overall we have grown in our love for one another.
Loving one another is not something that happens when we "fall." And it isn't so magical that it takes away all our troubles. Do I hear an "Amen?" No, love is something we have to work on and something that has to be maintained and grown. One way we do that is on special occasions and with our words (feelings).
As we approach Valentine's Day it is an opportunity to simply share with our loved ones why they matter to us. For some of us it may be difficult to say the words because circumstances, other relationships, family trouble or time has gotten in the way. For others of us, we find ourselves in a new relationships where sweet words come easily, perhaps too easily. Valentine's Day should not just be a day of mushy clichés, but thoughtful words of care from the heart.
This year I have much to be thankful for. I have a wife, parents, sister and in-laws who have surrounded me with love and care. I can't ever repay them for what they have done. They wouldn't necessarily want me to...but I can tell them what it meant to me. I can remind my wife of my love for her and show her that I'm not finished working on that life / love with her. Who do you have in your life that you need to show some appreciation for? Who do you have in your life who you might work to grow and strengthen your relationship?
Valentine's Day is a good place to begin. It's not just a day of romance, it's a day for growing in love with the family and friends around us!
.JPG)
